This is something I copied from a website, not my own creation, sadly.

“One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed.

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, “I don’t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”

I said, “WHAT??!! What was that?!”

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear…

“You’re just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man.”

She responded to my puzzled look by saying, “Can’t you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?”

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn’t decide which one to take, so I told her we’d just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, “Lets get a pair for each outfit.”

We went on to the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you… she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn’t even know how to play tennis.

I think I threw her for a loop when I said, “That’s fine, honey.” She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, “I think this is all
dear, let’s go to the cashier.”

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, “No honey, I don’t feel like it.”

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, “WHAT?”

I then said, “Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You’re just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman.”

And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, “Why can’t you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?”

Apparently I’m not having sex tonight either….but at least that bitch knows I’m smarter than her.”

Not enough people live life on their own terms.  Too many of them act like they’re going to live forever and are too willing to waste their life rather than do things they want to do when they want to do it.

Also, I weighed myself today. 195 fucking pounds, wtf? I’ve got no gut but somehow I’m 10 lbs heavier than when I had one? Also, this means I’m 100 pounds heavier than my girlfriend.

The good:  I’ve started dating this girl named Lauren.  She’s almost as much of an asshole as me.   Arguably just as smart, etc etc.  Not to mention she’s cute fo’ sheezy. Anyway, here’s to a nice healthy (sane) relationship for a while.  I’m finally content (actually, happy) on this front for the first time in a long while.

The bad:  I’m sick of my job.  I made $94 over the last two weeks, not counting my $134 paid in taxes.  I tried to get a better job and the guy who is doing the hiring (who I’m friends with) decided to be an unprofessional prick and read my email to him to the entire staff he works with and joke about how he’ll lead me on for a bit, then call me out for “being stupid”.  “It’s a shame, too, because I like him.”  Fuck you, I know people who are your employees, and you won’t be getting any more of my students for checkrides (he’s the dude who can certify pilots, for $300 a pop).  Fucking story of this whole industry, immature little pricks.  Oh well.

Still, I’ve said I’d rather be poor with a nice girl than be rich and miserable, looks like I got my wish eh?