So, I’m watching tv (sitting on my ass, you’ll note the irony shortly) and I’m observing that there’s some fat guy on Street Smarts… Yes, I’m watching Street Smarts, what else is on at midnight on a Sunday… Anyway, there’s a question about Jared losing his weight at Subway, and the fat guy is like “I like being fat, blah blah blah blah blah”. This is the biggest (ugh, pun unintended) problem in the United States. It’s not that you’re fat, it’s that you’re proud that you’re fat. How fucking pathetic and lazy can you be?
Numerous studies have shown that it’s generally unhealthy to be overweight (except that one bullshit study that came out a month or so ago, but that’s heavily disputed), but how could you be *proud* that you are going to die sooner than someone (on average, yes, I know, Calista Flockhart could be hit by a bus)… Cigarette smokers don’t be like “yeah, I smoke, wooooo!”… In general, they just don’t give a fuck. People with AIDS aren’t proud that they’re going to die sooner, they’re regretful, typically. But hoo-wee, if I just had a triple bacon cheeseburger and a super-sized fries with my diet coke, I’m a damn good person.
And don’t give me the genetics bullshit… There are skinny kids with fat parents and likewise. It’s just a lack of effort. Maybe I’ll offend you by saying this, but find me someone who is fat, runs 2-3 miles a day, eats salads, and just can’t lose weight. Yes, there are the Maury Povich-esque stories of people born with bizarre diseases and stuff, but I’m not so sure that the 85% of overweight Americans (or whatever the fucking statistic is) all suffer from any other disease except McWendy’s Syndrome.
Now, going over it, there are two types of fat people. There are the “jolly” type, and the “complete bitch” type… The first type, I love, and I have some doubt that they are the ones who are “fat and proud”, but rather they’re outwardly extroverted to hide their own “shame” (I know this isn’t le monde juste but it’s the closest I can think of), and want to have at least one redeeming quality (this sounds harsh, but I don’t intend it to be, I’m saying that basically, they recognize their lackings and make up for it by being genuinely nice people, it’s a backhanded compliment). It’s the complete bitch type of overweight individuals that I have the problem with. You know who I’m talking about, the ones who blame *you* for their unhappiness… These are the ones who seem to be like “fuck you, I’m fat, you got a problem with that?”
Yes, I realize that you’re not going to be skinny right away, and it’ll take a lot of work, but put the time and effort into it. I’m sure that maybe those thirty minutes you spend at the buffet could be better spent running (hell, at first just walking briskly, you gotta start somewhere, I realize that), but I’m sure that the time could be made… Who doesn’t have thirty minutes a day, 3-4 (maybe even 5) times a week? It’ll take some work, but 30 minutes a day for 4 times a week could end up saving you 5-10 years of your life. Don’t be irresponsible.
Perhaps God will smote me because I’m saying this, and I’ll spend my later years in life being fat, being held hostage by my own flesh. Hopefully I’ll catch on before it gets out of hand and start exercising and eating healthier, but who knows.
So before you all start bashing me, I want you to read what I said, it’s not an insult to fat people, it’s advice. Maybe it’s not full of tact, but sorry, I’m not someone who skirts around issues. Sure, I’m an asshole, but someone has to do it.
